Has disclosing ever led to a disaster date or a magical moment?The disaster date is what prompts me to disclose to every potential partner: I had met someone and we clicked really well.As we were kissing, he looked at me and asked: “Are you clean?” (I absolutely despise that term.) When I told him my status, he went into a giant panic and had to check his mouth for open sores. As understanding and sweet and nice as someone can be, if they do not live with the disease, it’s difficult for them to understand when you need to cancel a date because your meds aren’t agreeing with you. LIKES: Pomeranians, tea parties, vintage dresses, bicycles, hard-to-watch documentaries DISLIKES: macho men, onions, mosquitoes, [Toronto Mayor] Rob Ford How do you meet dates?LIKES: beards, leather, video games, zombies, nerdy guys, sci-fi, B-rated horror movies, glasses, bearded nerdy guys with glasses (maybe wearing leather) DISLIKES: attitude, goat cheese (ugh!), bad breath, lack of compassion, elitists How do you meet dates? I’ve pretty much dropped all of the online websites due to rampant lying and serophobia. My HIV status was very clear on my online profiles.
My favourite places to meet dates are in the spots you’re not looking for them—in the library or supermarket.Other than that, my style is to just throw it in like it doesn’t matter—not like “brace yourself.” I try to make it as cute and fun and playful as possible. No, but I’m hard-pressed to find a positive person who wants to sleep with a lady.Not that I pick up lots of people in the supermarket, but that’s where the funniest conversations happen. I generally go on a couple of dates and feel the person out a bit before disclosing.Most recently I met someone on an airplane and now I have an international lover. I tell before I know I’m going to make out with them.
Ideally, they already know about the advocacy work I do, so they already know my status. I drop giant hints about the work I do so it’s not coming out of left field.
Then I cross my fingers that they ask me how I got into this work.