My uncle died just after my second post in this series.
It was an unexpected and somber reminder that we should all go see doctors regularly because health problems can be well-hidden.
This was disappointing, but what’s way, way more freaky is the optional pairings it now gives me.
He died doing what he loved with minimal pain and, despite depression and misfortune at every turn, never gave up on spending every moment he could enjoying the outdoors and crusading causes as a naturalist.
His passing became a stark indicator of how small-minded and narcissistic all of this has been, and really just how much it matters to me to be my ordinary positive and intense self.
Not the hopelessly overly-analytic, insecure choke-collar’d appeasement hound the system (or the character I’ve rendered here) had made me.
People seem to like this parody masquerading as a journal because of the sheer emotional display punctuated with some attention to pseudo socio-cultural analysis so I figured I owed it one last entry before laying the whole business to rest.
I reversed a search on OKcupid to see how many guys there are around my age and it’s something around 3-4 times as many as there are female users.Cm B seeks to mitigate this overage by just showing you a couple of matches a day, along with some optional ‘just outside your ideal range’ matches.You run out of bean credit for the optional folks very quickly, however, and I got my hopes up a little too high and did the thing I swore I’d never do: spend money on a dating website.After buying credit and saturating all of the options (just like I had on the other sites) it quickly became apparent that it works just about the same way as all of the others do: dozens of likes and short notes sent with no responses, juxtaposed to exhausting efforts attempting to be creative or interesting in profile and message design.
Don’t get me wrong, the emotions displayed have been real but I’m also not exactly in a hurry, nor am I truly worried about finding love again ‘before it is too late’ or something of that matter.In some sense I think this last episode is merely a lesson in self-respect.