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You will be attracted to people outside your relationship Having an open relationship has never been my goal, but I’m not going to bury my head in romantic sand.

The truth is that staying monogamous is a challenge.

“When they leave me, it’s usually for The One,” my lover, Charles, said.

I was gushing about the new man in my life, and Charles was adjusting admirably to the news. That’s the deal for a man in a polyamorous, open marriage who dates multiple partners.

If your partner is flirting with someone else but comes home with you, they do so in freedom.

It must be, or there wouldn’t be so much infidelity.

Acknowledging this inevitability means my boyfriend and I can deal with it from within our relationship instead of pretending we’ll only ever have eyes (and maybe hands and lips and everything else) for each other.2.

You can trust that choice more than if you never let them explore admiration from others.3.

I can’t count the number of times I heard “You’re wasting your time” or “You’ll never meet anyone else.” But buoyed by the confidence and happiness that comes from a healthy relationship, I was more able to recognize and accept the right guy when he came along.

And my experiences on the periphery of non-monogamy taught me a lot about relationships, lessons I’m applying in my new, monogamous relationship.1.

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