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'Cos where it all comes from is a mystery, It's like the changing of the seasons, and the tides of the sea. I must have been in and out of that pond more times than a duck's head! DCI Roy Slater: According to you and your family we are looking for a six foot seven inch dwarf, aged between 15 and 50, white male with oriental features who's as black as Newgates Knocker. Del: You don't want to see what it's like in the early hours, Grandad. He's had everything from Galloping Lurgy to Saturday Night Fever! You can tell my old man to keep his nose out of my business he was always going on at me for not giving him a grandchild. I was amazed, I found myself reading about this non smoking, tee-total, celibate, vegetarian health freak.But here's the one that's driving me berserk, Why do only fools and horses work? I was doing some homework once and I asked him what a cubic foot was. That room is going to be a shrine dedicated to the memory of my grandfather. I thought to myself can this be the same Derek Trotter I know and begrudginly admire? If you don't cough up that two grand I'm gonna take his collar and lead off and let him loose on you! Oh we're gonna have such fun, we are, you mark my words. Rodney: (when Del says that he enjoys hanging with his friends rather than spending time with Raquel and Damien) Just who are your mates, Del?But this only goes to prove how bloody right they were! On the other hand, we don't claim dole money, social security, supplementary benefit... When my "financial advisor" stuck his nose in, and advised me to pay £200. And now, having paid the £200, my "financial advisor" now advises me to chuck the bleedin' lot in the river! One wrong word from that plonker Rodney and I could end up doing five years! Tell them not to be frightened, cos this is new energy saving paint we're using. (puts the receiver down)Vicar: I have become dismayed, even shocked by the attitude of youth - but today you walked into this church and offered us this tree simply because you care. You've been in the business five minutes and already you've opened up a Spanish branch. He's probably gone to Manchester to pick up Cassandra, and she will tell him I've booked into a hotel with another woman. On a cold, rainy night in Peckham, someone has arranged for you four to be here in in this room - together. And the most frightening aspect of the whole mystery - no-one knows why! You said "Leave it to me Boycie, I gotta contact at Wimbledon."Del: Yeah, but only since he got the sack from World Of Leather. They say to you "What time did you get in last night?

Stick a pony in me pocket I'll fetch the suitcase from the van. Look, Rodney, I sent your painting off in good faith.'Cos if you want the bestuns, but you don't ask questions, Then brother, I'm your man. Do you know what, if a nightingale sang now in Berkeley Square, someone would eat it. When Corinne comes back in here, she's gonna find her kettle's been knackered, her kitchen's been turned into a Turkish bath and she's got a Kentucky Fried Canary at the bottom of her cage. Del: (talking about his father) Don't be fooled by him, Rodney. I didn't know there were lots of categories, but you're the one who wrote on it, "Rodney Trotter, aged 14 1/2", so the organisers must have put you in the kids category. Boycie: (completely furious) Would you mind not discussing my personal life with strangers? I was chatting to some collegues when the name Derek Trotter came up, so I asked to see your GP's notes and look at your tests.


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