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[Have your child sign i MOM’s Cell Phone Contract.] 3. So, get the door for her, look me in the eye when you talk to me, and please don’t let your britches fall down so low that I have to look at your underwear band. Sure my daughter is fun, but she’s also a student, and in our house, school comes before fun. No, I won’t hide in the backseat or stalk you when you’re with my daughter, but she and I have an agreement that she checks in often with home, and lets me know where she is and where she’s going.

Believe me, good manners will help you get on her good side, and mine too. That means she won’t be going with you to the mall, the movies or out to dinner on a school night. Also, secret meetings and clandestine adventures will be discovered—I have my ways!

Rule #1 If you plan on taking my daughter on a date and come to my house and honk your horn or call her cell phone you'd better be the UPS man, because you are not picking anything up.

Rule #2 If you touch my daughter be prepared to have removal of the touching limbs from your body in any such way that I feel appropriate.

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I realize that you are just following the latest trends because you aren’t original in your choices so let’s come to a negotiation: You may come to the door with your under clothes showing and your pants too big or too small, and I will not comment.However, to make certain that your clothes do not accidentally slide off or spontaneously explode off your body due to being too tight, I will take my staple gun and fasten your jeans snugly in place to your waist.

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