We live an hour away and see each other on the weekends and sometimes during the week. I come from an affectionate family of huggers, and I’ve met his family and they are not the hugging type.
I constantly tell him that I need affection and romance.
I even broke up with him for about two weeks over this, and he had said he wanted to be romantic towards me, but has not come through. He couldn’t even pick an appropriate Mother’s Day card, and as my birthday approaches I’m worried that he either sucks at gift giving or doesn’t care, and that will be a catalyst for me to go crazy.
I’ve talked with him about it over and over again about my need for him to be romantic. Maybe, but I think it’s a tall order, given my dating history with men like yours.
He tells me he loves me about 10 times a day, and I find I’m not saying it back to him because I don’t like that kind of automatism.
I’ve never needed or received an overt amount of affection as a child.
If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).
When we first got together, it was wonderful to be constantly kissed, adored, complimented, most women would kill for a man like this.
Something that was lovely to begin with has started to become annoying, in that, for example, when I’m getting dressed for work in the morning, my husband will grab me and hug me, even if I’m in the middle of putting something on.
I’ve had good relationships as an adult and my last one lasted 9 years, but after a bad extraction (on my part) we’ve remained on friendly terms (although we’re not really in touch regularly).
Is there anything more I can do to bring it out in him? One ex in particular was the poster boy for being unromantic and unaffectionate.
I’m frustrated, I care about him, but I’m hurting myself over not getting my needs met. Presents were always appliances, and he reminded me on special occasions that he ‘didn’t do’ cards.
He also didn’t do flowers, believing they were a waste of money because they, you know, were already DEAD. I’m realistic about the fact that we don’t get everything we need in a relationship – but some things are non-negotiable. I think you need to figure out if you can weigh up this guy’s positive points, accept that he may never have it in him to give you what you need, and decide if you can get your head around it. Some people, much as we like or love them, just aren’t a good fit for us and moving on will be easier now than after years spent hoping he might change into the guy you wish he was.
Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky.